Dictating Patterns

overlypolitebisexual:

cat people: dogs are cool too
dog people: cats don’t feel love did you know a cat once MURDERED my MOTHER

(via escape-itsspelledjustlikeescape)

darkest-fallen-angel:

platypus-in-a-bottle:

kristoffbjorgman:

a sad and lonely Mike Wazowski for your dashboard
I wonder what happens when you drag him

love how this is gonna look on my blog

IF YOURE ON MOBILE CLICK IT!!!
http://monozaki.tumblr.com/post/100472245981/xtremecaffeine-bootses-missvoltairine

xtremecaffeine:

bootses:

missvoltairine:

"Don’t take ~chemicals~ like prozac, I heard you can get the same effect by eating 19 oranges a day, that’s only 570 oranges a month!!!"

"Yeah I know you have horrible panic attacks but like, have you tried yoga?"

"Yeah I understand…

Aasif Mandvi Has a Little Trouble Making a Trailer For His Book “No Land’s Man”

thecomedybureau:

Read More

(via fuckyeahjohnoliver)

Reblog if you want “have you ever” asks

(Source: infiinite3scape, via z-om-b)

  • (I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
  • Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
  • Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
  • Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
  • Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
  • Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
  • (The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
  • Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
  • Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
  • (I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
  • Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
  • Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
  • Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
  • Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
  • (My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
  • Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
  • Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
  • Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
  • (Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)

cindycrawfordhair:

Me

(Source: halfstoned, via z-om-b)

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